A Day in the Life
by Ryoga
Summary: It kinda bashes Wufei... I just have to say this....Crazy stuff happens in this fic! - ChibiChibi


Author: Ryoga_Hibiki3   
E-mail: ryoga_hibiki3@hotmail.com 

This is another attempt of mine at Gundam Wing. I follow no time line with the originial story and I am not good with the Mech stuff, so :P. All the characters and other objects I did not create are trademarks of their official owners/creators. However, the storyline and what happens within this fanfic are MINE. If you want this fic to go somewhere, e-mail me and ask, trust me, it's not that hard. And yes, it is supposed to start out serious for a reason. Now then, on with my pants, er, story. 

A day in the life... 

The wind blew fiercely as lightning and thunder roared in the distance. Upon the open meadow, two gigantic machines of destruction were attacking each other with savage intent. They were planning on killing each other. Wing Gundam Zero held up it's twin buster rifle at the Altron Gundam Nataku. Nataku on the other hand had both vulcan guns aimed at Wing Zero's midsection. 

Heero's Voice: Give it up Wufei. You cannot defeat me.   
Wufei's Voice: Ha! I will not give in so easily Yuy.   
Heero: You're making a big mistake in doing this Wufei.   
Wufei: You are weak Heero. You will fall...   
Heero: No, I will survive!!   
Wufei: Famous last words! 

With that said, both Gundams started shooting at each other while trying to dodge the others shots. 

Wufei: You cannot evade me forever Yuy!!!   
Heero: Don't make me destroy you Wufei.   
Wufei: It is you who will be destroyed!! 

Nataku finally hit Wing Zero shooting it's hand off, but at the same time, Wing Zero shot Wufei's vulcan guns out of his grasp. 

Heero: You have no guns to hide behind Wufei.   
Wufei: I do not need guns to defeat an insolent whelp like you Yuy!!   
Heero: We shall see. 

Nataku whipped out it's twin beam trident and charged towards Wing Zero and started slashing with a vengeance. After each thrust Wing Zero was able to dodge each one. Except for the last one. With a mighty blow from Nataku's trident Wing Zero reeled backwards landing on it's back barely moving. 

Wufei: What were you commenting about earlier Yuy? I stand victorious. Now you shall perish!!   
Heero: Before that Wufei, there is something I must tell you.   
Wufei: Eh.....What would that be? 

Wing Zero staggers up slowly and takes out it's beam saber. 

Heero: Wufei, I am your father.   
Wufei: Grrr.... 

Wing Zero sped up to Nataku with such speed, it was still fast in slow motion and sliced Nataku in half with amazing force. 

Wufei: Nooo!!!!   
Heero: I said I shall win. 

Relena walks up to Wufei and Heero who are standing in the back yard and slaps them both on the back of the head. 

Relena: How much longer are two going to stand out here in the sprinkler and play with your stupid remote control gundams!? 

Heero and Wufei rub their heads as they toss the controls, of the two 1 foot remote control toys, on the ground. 

Wufei: How dare you interrupt a duel you weak girl!! I would have won if it were not for your presence.   
Heero: Wufei?   
Wufei: What?   
Heero: Shut up.   
Wufei: Injustice!   
Relena: *slaps them both on the back of their heads again* I asked you three times if you two would go and run those errands for me.   
Wufei: Why should I, Wufei Chang, listen to a pitiful girl like you!?   
Relena: Because if you don't, I will tie you down to a chair, gag your mouth, duct tape your eyes open and make you watch 2 days worth of Sailormoon with no commercials!!!   
Wufei: When do you want us leave?   
Heero: ...   
Relena: *hands a list to Heero* Here's what I need you guys to do.   
Heero: *Looks at the list* That will take most of the day!   
Relena: Well then, get your butts in motion!!!   
Heero and Wufei: Yes ma'am.... 

Meanwhile, Trowa Barton was riding down the road behind traffic on his motorcycle. Behind his seat was a box strapped down by tough string, and on it stated "Caution: Very Dangerous! Handle with care!". 

Trowa: Man, traffic is packed today. Oh well, at least I'll get some extra money on the side doing this delivery job. 

Trowa looks behind himself while stopped at a red light. 

Trowa: But, what could Quatre possibly want with this package?? 

Trowa looked up to see a certain police car turn into his lane. 

Trowa: Oh god, it's porky.. 

Trowa quickly changes lanes to avoid being seen by Officer Winger, and continued cruising down the highway towards the Winner Mansion carrying the "package"   


Meanwhile, in another part of the Winner Mansion, Duo is waxing every nanometer of the Deathscythe.   


Quatre is taking a quiet walk outside the mansion awaiting Trowa's arrival. 

Quatre: I can't wait till "it" gets here!   


Down the road, in a crappy Plymouth Sopporo, our heroes venture forth with list in hand. 

Wufei: Heero.   
Heero: Yes?   
Wufei: Your car.   
Heero: Yeah?   
Wufei: It sucks. 

Heero pulls out a gun aimed at Wufei's head as he drives with the other hand. 

Heero: Omae o korosu.   
Wufei: Wait!   
Heero: No.   
Wufei: You might put a hole in your window!   
Heero: The windows are rolled down.   
Wufei: Damn you and your lack of air conditioning!!   
Heero: I will not kill you now.   
Wufei: But the tree we are heading for might kill us both.   
Heero: AGGH!!! 

Heero turns the wheel to avoid the tree and barely makes it onto the road again. 

Heero: How could you be so calm about something like that!?   
Wufei: Because I am not weak, like you.   
Heero: If killing someone in a moving vehicle wasn't dangerous, you'd be at the pearly gates.   
Wufei: You are just angry because of your lack of Wufeiness   
Heero: Wufei.   
Wufei: Yes?   
Heero: Your attitude.   
Wufei: Yeah?   
Heero: It sucks.   
Wufei: Grrr.....Do you have the list Yuy?   
Heero: Yeah.   
Wufei: Then let's get this hell trip over with. 

Heero drives around some more. 

Wufei: Heero?   
Heero: Yeah.   
Wufei: What store are we exactly going to for all the things your weak girl needed?   
Heero: Wu-Mart.   
Wufei: Shut up!   
Heero: You asked. 

After another hour of driving. 

Wufei: Heero.   
Heero: Shut up. We're not lost. 

Just then the car slows down. 

Wufei: What are you doing!?   
Heero: Nothing, I'm putting on the gas!!   
Wufei: What does it mean when the little stick lands on the "E"?   
Heero: Oh, that just means we're out of gas..................................   
Wufei: You   
Heero: SHUT UP!   
Wufei: Inj-   
Heero: I said shut up! 

Heero pulled over onto the side of the road in front of an all girl catholic school. 

Wufei: Look at what your lack of intelligence has done to us!   
Heero: Quick Wufei! What's 8 times 6!   
Wufei: Umm...   
Heero: There, now shut up.   
Wufei: Injustice! 

At this point, Heero has gotten out of the car and starts walking towards the catholic school. Wufei gets out of the car also. 

Wufei: Where are you going Yuy!?   
Heero: I am going to go get a taxi.   
Wufei: Fine then, let's go. 

Heero and Wufei arrive at the school. Heero looks around and notices it is nothing but girls. 

Heero: Uhm, Wufei, perhaps you should wait here..   
Wufei: Feh. 

Heero walks further into the school looking for the office. Wufei, of course, starts wandering around. 

Wufei: This is nothing more than a hiding place for weak girls! 

Other girls and nuns look at Wufei oddly. 

Wufei: What are you weaklings looking at!? It is I, Chang Wufei! You pitiful fragile things, this is where you hide! 

At this point a good portion of the girls and nuns have brooms, mops, books, desks.... 

Wufei: What do you frail females hope to do to me? You are nothing compared to Wufei! 

The girls begin to close in....   


Trowa pulls in slowly into the Winner Mansion and is eagerly greeted by Quatre. Trowa gets off his bike and takes off his helmet. 

Quatre: Yes! It's finally here!!   
Trowa: What is it that's so great about this package? 

Quatre immediately rips open the box. Trowa blinks as Quatre beholds the treasure within the box. 

Quatre: Finally, I've waited so long!! 674 sheets of Hello Kitty™ stickers!!!!   
Trowa: ........*thwap*   
Quatre: ow.....   


Duo continues putting on his fifth coat of wax on the Deathscythe merrily. 

Duo: Oh yesh, my wittle Dwethscythie likes da wax, oh yesh he does!! Oooo, reflection...   


Heero bows to the head nun for allowing him to use the phone. He heads outside of the school to wait for the taxi. Low and behold, on the ground he sees a battered, bruised, near dead, bleeding corpse. 

Heero: Good morning Wufei.   
Wufei: i.....n...j........u.....s...........t.....i.....c...e............   
Heero: I told you not to wander around. 

Heero picks up Wufei and hefts him over his shoulder and awaits the cab.   


Quatre: Jurai Kitty Power!!!   
Trowa: .....*thwack*   
Quatre: ow....   


Heero sets Wufei in the passengers seat and sits in the back. 

Heero: Drop me off over at Wal-Mart, after that, take this idiot to the Winner Mansion.   
Driver: Hey, whateva you say mon!   
Heero: ...   


Quatre starts taking out the sheets and looking them over carefully inspecting each sticker. 

Trowa: I have one more delivery Quatre, so I'll be on my way.   
Quatre: Okay, thanks for bringing them Trowa.   
Trowa: That's what I'm paid for. 

Trowa hops on his bike and heads down the street towards his next destination.   


Wufei wakes up in the Winner Mansion in a wheelchair, with his arm in a cast. 

Wufei: What in the nine hells!?   
Quatre: Oh, you're finally awake Wufei!   
Wufei: What's happened to me!?!?   
Quatre: From what I heard, you were mobbed.   
Wufei: I was...at.....that...school.   
Quatre: What school?   
Wufei: Nothing! Nevermind that Winner. I do not need this wheelchair! 

Wufei gets up and kicks his wheelchair away from himself. 

Quatre: Here, maybe this will make you feel better..... Oh wait, you're arm's in a cast..   
Wufei: What are you rambling about you weakling!? 

Quatre peels off a Hello Kitty™ sticker and puts it on Wufei's cast. 

Quatre: There!   
Wufei: ......*smack*   
Quatre: ow....   


Duo continues buffing the Deathscythe.   


Heero comes back to his car with some gas and the junk Relena requested. He puts the food/cooking utensils/junk in the back seat after putting gas in the tank. The car starts up and Heero heads down the highway. 

Heero: Damn it. Craving for M&M's.... 

Heero pulls over next to a closed convenience store and walks up to the vending machine. He feels through his pockets. 

Heero: Damn, no change. And it doesn't take dollar bills!? 

Heero stands there thinking. Duo appears half transparent. 

Duo's Aura: Heero......use my teachings....   
Heero: GAH! You never taught me anything!!   
Duo's Aura: Yes I did numbnuts!   
Heero: *whips out a .35 caliber* Omae o korosu...   
Duo's Aura: ........*thwap* You can't kill me, I'm not really here!!   
Heero: Oh yeah... How come you can hurt me?   
Duo's Aura: Nevermind. Now, use your most powerful skill.   
Heero: What!?   
Duo's Aura: The vending machine technique passed from Maxwell to Maxwell.   
Heero: My last name is not Maxwell....   
Duo's Aura: Hey, just shut up and use the Maxwell Ultimate Attack!   
Heero: Which one's that one?   
Duo's Aura: ........slip your arm in the vending machine, and slip out the M&M's.   
Heero: .... 

Duo's spirit fades away and Heero is left facing the vending machine. He sighs and slips his arm inside, then turns it around to get the M&M's. 

Heero: Almost....got.....chocolate......that...never..melts...in your...mouth.... 

Heero squirm his fingers frantically finally getting the M&M's into his hand. 

Heero: There! I got it!!! 

Heero retracts his arm.......or tries to anyway... He tries harder to get his arm out of the vending machine. 

Heero: .........INJUSTICE!!!!   


Trowa heads down the road on his motorcycle past an all girl catholic school towards his next destination.   


Quatre runs around the house with his Hello Kitty™ stickers everywhere and anywhere. 

Wufei: Winner, stop this madness!!!   
Quatre: No! Hello Kitty must be everywhere!!!   
Wufei: *thwap* I am going to the guest room....   
Quatre: ow... 

Wufei walks up to rest in the room. Quatre looks around. 

Quatre: I'm out of places to put these... 

At that moment Duo comes in the room, heading towards the kitchen. 

Duo: Man. It took me forever to finish that coating. 

Duo walks into te kitchen. Quatre gives a wry grin...   


Heero: $(&$*@$&*(%*@*($&*()@@&*(!!!!!!   


Trowa pulls up next to a closed store and gets off his bike as he takes out the key. 

Trowa: Oh man, it's closed. It will have to be rushed tomorrow then.   
Heero: Help! 

Trowa blinks as he turns towards the candy machine and notices Heero with his hand stuck in the machine. 

Trowa: What...   
Heero: Don't say a word.   
Trowa: Did The Perfect Soldier get caught in The Perfect Trap?   
Heero: ....   
Trowa: Alright, I'll help you out.   


Quatre continues putting Hello Kitty stickers all over the Deathscythe. Duo walks back in to admire the cleanliness in Deathscythe. 

Duo: A........   
Quatre: See, now it's all cute!!   
Duo: ....You..........   
Quatre: You can thank me later. These stickers are great, aren't they?   
Duo: ....Quatre.....   
Quatre: Yeah?   
Duo: OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Quatre: Ack!! 

Duo chases after Quatre in a violent rage. 

Duo: I'm gonna rip out your eyes, and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap outta you!!!!   
Quatre: Duo, don't you think you're being a bit unreasonable?!   
Duo: DIE!!!!! 

Quatre stops and faces Duo. Duo, surprised by the abrupt stop almost crashes into Quatre. 

Duo: Oh, gonna face me like a man now? Bring it on!! 

Quatre raises his hand and puts a Hello Kitty sticker on Duo's forehead. 

Duo: ....*thwack*   
Quatre: ow....   


Heero: Thanks for the help Trowa.   
Trowa: Think nothing of it.   
Heero: If you ever need anything...   
Trowa: Can I have those M&M's? 

Heero pulls out a gun and aims it at Trowa's head. 

Trowa: Oook, that's a no..   


Quatre puts his shirt on his head and looks over at Duo. 

Quatre: ArE yoU thReatNiNg Me?!   
Duo: Uh.....yes...   
Quatre: I Am ThE GreAt QuAtrOlio!!!!   
Duo: ....right....   
Quatre: yEs, teEpEe foR my BungHolE!!!   
Duo: .....*thwap*   
Quatre: ow...   
Duo: Now go peel off each sticker and make sure it's not sticky.   
Quatre: Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go get a rag.   
Duo: No, not a rag.   
Quatre: What then?   
Duo: Use your tooth brush.   
Quatre: Agh, that's mean.   
Duo: I know. That's why I said it. 

Quatre sulks and heads to get his toothbrush as Duo starts crying at the site of Deathscythe covered in Hello Kitty™ stickers.   


Heero pulls into the driveway with Relena standing there waiting. 

Relena: What took you so long?!   
Heero: I, uhh *tries to hide the M&M's*   
Relena: Oh, you got me some M&M's!! *snatches the M&M's and starts eating them*   
Heero: You...I...   
Relena: Awww, you're so sweet. Now go put the groceries away. 

Relena walks off as Heero starts crying. At that moment, Wufei ran into two depressed and crying Gundam Pilots. 

Wufei: Look at yourselves! You are crying like weak girls!! 

Duo and Heero immediately look at Wufei. 

Wufei: You guys are too incompetent to be called Gundam Pilots!! 

Both Heero and Duo pull out a gun aimed at Wufei. 

Wufei: I said that I am proud to have such strong allies... 

Heero and Duo go back to crying. Wufei grumbles as he walks over to meditate with Nataku. 

Quatre: Hey Wufei! I made Nataku look all better!   
Wufei: You...you...!   
Quatre: Yep! Now it is SAILOR NATAKU!! 

Nataku is now in a sailor moon outfit, complete with the meatball head. Wufei quietly goes back to where Heero and Duo were sitting. He sits down quietly and looks at both of them. 

Wufei: Not a word of this to anyone.   
Heero: Same goes for you.   
Duo: Yeah, both of you! 

All three Gundam Pilots start crying. Relena passes by going over to Quatre. 

Relena: Oh, Deathscythe and Nataku look so pretty Quatre!   
Duo and Wufei: Waaaaaaahhhh!!!!!   
Relena: Here Quatre. Have some M&M's.   
Quatre: Thank you!   
Heero: Waaaaaaahhhh!!!!! 

The End   


Other stuff:   
Omae o korosu - I will destroy you.   
This fanfic was made on a whim, so therefore, it wasn't as funny as the first one.   



End file.
